19 Life-Changing Secrets

Difficult Challenges

18. The Secret to... Writing a Condolence Note

Share a special memory you have of the person. "Be very specific, e.g., 'Your mom was always so warm and welcoming. And what a cook! I was always thrilled when she asked me to stay for dinner -- especially when her famous lasagna was on the menu.' If you didn't know the person well, write about a memory the grieving person had previously shared with you -- 'I know how much your mother meant to you and I know how very much you meant to your mother.'"

--Letitia Baldrige, author of Letitia Baldrige's New Manners for New Times: A Complete Guide to Etiquette (Scribner, 2003)

19. The Secret to... Getting a Solid Answer from a Hard-to-Pin-Down Person

Ask a solid question. "Many times, we're afraid to hear the word no, so we make wishy-washy queries. Pose your question so there's no room for anything but a yes or no response, e.g., 'Am I in the running for that job?' 'Can you fix my computer today?' While unpleasant to hear, a no will at least enable you to move on with your life."

--Misha Henckel, Los Angeles-based life coach

Originally published in Fitness magazine, March 2006.