10 Ways to Make Sex Sexier

Tips 7-10

A recent study at the University of Virginia found that the leading predictor of a woman's marital happiness was the level of her husband's emotional engagement. If you two are spending quality time together, you're happy. But when you're feeling disconnected, your relationship and your sex life suffer. Here's why: You need to feel close to him to be inspired to make love, and he often needs sex to feel close to you, explains Berman. How to break the stalemate? Make the first move, says Berman. "Do something simple like thanking him for taking out the trash. When you give him a little gratitude, it's a huge bonding moment for him." In response, he'll start tuning back in to what you need, and you'll be much more likely to want him in return.

Even in this enlightened age, women still spend about an hour more each day than men on household chores and childcare. No wonder we're not in the mood -- we're tired! Research at the University of Washington shows that when men pitch in around the house, their wives are much more likely to be satisfied with the relationship and to want more sex. "All he needs to hear is that helping out is a form of foreplay," says Berman. The next thing you know, he'll be pushing past you to wipe the counter, change the kitty litter, and unload the dishwasher.

You know it's good to escape -- from work, the kids, the dust bunnies -- and concentrate on each other. If you can't head off for the weekend, go out to dinner instead. But mix it up a little: Pick a place you've never been and order a dish you've never had. Better yet, visit him at work. Seeing him in a place that doesn't have anything to do with you will reveal a different side of him and reconnect you with the person you fell in love with. "You might see or learn something surprising that makes you view him in a sexier way," says Berman.

If you need another reason to exercise, consider this: Working out is a great way to boost your sex life. "It stimulates not only the body but the nervous system and the brain," says Davidson. "So you're more physiologically excited and more receptive to sex." Exercise strengthens your cardiovascular system, improves circulation, and gets blood flowing to all the right places. It also gets you in the mood by reducing stress and boosting your self-esteem. Working out gives you a sense of pride and accomplishment, says Berman. "When you do it consistently, it makes you feel good about yourself."

Just as important, exercise helps you tune in to your body -- and tune out the world. Weight training and Pilates, which force you to focus on your muscles and your form, are especially good for this. "Your attention is fully on you," says Davidson. "You really feel every move, and that puts you in a more sensual state."

Originally published in FITNESS magazine, September 2006.