The Resolution Solution: 7 Goals You Can Meet This Year
I resolve to...go to bed angry.
You and your guy just had a major argument. Dr. Phil might say it's healthy to get your feelings off your chest before you turn in for the night, but research suggests that's a myth. "It's like using gasoline to put out a fire. Venting only feeds angry feelings and aggressive impulses," explains Brad J. Bushman, PhD, a professor of communications and psychology at Ohio State University in Columbus.
In one of his studies, 600 students were showered with insults (by an accomplice to the study); then researchers tracked the subjects' feelings while they did one of three things: thought about their provoker while hitting a punching bag, thought about becoming fit while hitting a punching bag, or sat quietly for three minutes. The punchers who focused their attention on their provoker reported the most feelings of anger and behaved the most aggressively; meanwhile, those who did nothing experienced the fewest feelings of hostility.
Instead of using your partner as a verbal punching bag after a frustrating argument, give yourself time to calm down. Do something relaxing instead, like counting to 10 while taking deep breaths or snuggling with your dog, Bushman recommends. Once you've cooled off, try solving the problem with a calm heart-to-heart conversation. Even if it means waiting until the morning, it's better than a screeching late-night argument.
What do you think of this story? Leave a Comment.