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Confessions of a Borderline Binge Eater

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Falling Off the Wagon

Armed with these new insights, I wake up on Monday morning determined to have a binge-free week. The first few days are fine. I follow Binks' recommendations and find that eating small portions four or five times a day does keep me from feeling deprived and that I have fewer cravings. It's not even hard to turn down my boyfriend's suggestion of going out for wings and beer on Wednesday night; I've already planned to cook us a healthy meal of salmon, zucchini casserole, and baked potatoes.

Then the weekend arrives. I'll be driving four hours to visit my sister and help her paint her new house. Leaving at 10 a.m. means I'll be stopping en route for lunch. As I speed along the interstate, I begin planning the healthy meal I'll have at Subway. Lettuce, tomatoes, and low-fat cheese -- a six-inch, not the foot-long. By 12:30, my stomach is growling; I pull off at the next exit. No Subway in sight, so I turn in to Wendy's. I'll just get the kids' meal, I think.

"A Baconator, large fries, and a Vanilla Frosty," I say into the speaker box. Apparently, along with my toothbrush, I've left my willpower at home.

I inhale the entire meal, rub my Buddha belly and try to ignore the guilt that engulfs me for the rest of the drive. To compound matters, my sister orders pizza for dinner that night. I've already ruined my diet for the day, I tell myself, gearing up for a gorge-fest. In record time, I inhale five slices.

An hour later, I can no longer stand myself. I am a failure. A failure at eating like a normal person, and a failure at reforming my bad habits. After dinner, I lie on the couch and begin moaning. My sister shakes her head at me and tries to distract me from my self-induced pain. "What are you working on these days?" she asks. I start laughing in between groans. "An article on binge eating."

I remember Binks telling me that the way I feel after bingeing is important -- and that I should try to relieve any guilt with physical activity. A brisk stroll around the block doesn't exactly ease the bloating, but I have to admit, by the time I get back to the house the guilt has lightened a bit.

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erinmac2013 wrote:

I don't enjoy binge eating in the moment and I feel ashamed of myself afterwards. I want to get better. I have pinpointed the feeling of doing it as loneliness, anxiety or guilt about giving myself time to just sit and do nothing. Eating is an activity, it distracts me from my feelings. I want to work on allowing myself to just feel those feelings. It makes me feel less alone to know that other people struggle with this problem.

10/20/2013 07:17:14 AM Report Abuse
erinmac2013 wrote:

This story is very inspiring to read. I am twenty-one years old and have been binge eating for the past four years twice a week. I am considered a lean person (5'8, 128lbs) so when I tell people that I binge eat they assume that I have a disordered image of eating. Last night, I ate a normal dinner of tofu and salad, a piece of pizza, 2 calzones, a hot chocolate and a large bowl of chocolate chips. While I did this, I felt completely out of control.

10/20/2013 07:17:02 AM Report Abuse
dswilliams65 wrote:

I was a binge eater as a teen, a bulimic borderlining on anorexia in my 20's, and now in my 40's I'm back to binge eating. Guilt, self-hate, disgust, misery, fear of looking in the mirror.... Thanks for sharing your story; it's nice to know I am not alone.

2/25/2013 07:11:50 PM Report Abuse
crazydreams1 wrote:

I loved this article! I became aware of my binge eating after eatin 2 cookies, a muffin, and chips all in 30 minutes. The advice here sounds wonderfulk and i cant wait to try it out for myself!!

5/4/2012 06:31:47 PM Report Abuse
a3984502 wrote:

Right now I am following the Diet Plan for You blog by nutrition specialist Kate Hill. Kate helped me lose weight in a healthy way in few weeks, without starving! If you want to lose weight, just visit Kate's blog at: http://dietplanforyou.blogspot.com

3/4/2012 03:28:03 AM Report Abuse

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