Living With Emotional Abuse ~My Story Heart 2 Heart~

Hey guys! It's Elessa and so I wanted to do a series of videos that I think are really important because it has to do with inner beauty and, without inner beauty, you can't have your outer beauty and, so, I'm gonna try to be as not so cheesy as possible, but sometimes, it really does help. So, last week, I talked about being bullied and it got a lot of positive responses and a lot of really sad responses as far as your experiences and things

that you guys had to go through with your life and I wanna say that you're not alone and I'm really glad that we have this forum that we could talk about it 'cause I think it is really important and I think, sometimes, you just need to say things out loud just to kind of sort it out and figure out what you need to do. So, in the comments, it sounded like a lot of these incidents happened in the past, so I hope that all of the experience that you have has really helped you

become a better person, a stronger person 'cause, in life, we get thrown a lot of curved balls, a lot of ups and downs, and the only person that could really help is yourself. So, it's actually really cold and that's why I kinda have these weird slings. It's from my Hello Kitty Snuggie and I apologize if it kind of takes away from the seriousness of like all the topics that I've talked about, but it's kind of who I am, like a lot of the stuff that I talked about, it's all from experience

outside, things that I've experienced personally, but I feel like it's a really great way for us to talk about it and to really just go to this journey together and just kind of grow together and, so, feel free to comment below, like how you feel, things you wanna talk about, and just pretty much anything. So, I wanted to say thank you to those comments about being bullied, but I also wanted to thank those who did say they bullied others 'cause it takes a lot.

It takes a really big person to admit that they've done that in the past and also to be able to apologize or to understand. Thank you so much for all the personal messages. I tried to go and e-mail everybody individually and talk to you guys 'cause it really means so much to me for you guys to reach out to me. I personally have overcome the bullying, like I've had so many other things in my life that's like a lot worse that the bullying is just kind of one of those things where I'm like "Oh."

It explains why I don't remember so much about that incident or explains why I'm the way I am because I'm very-- I won't give a F kind of personality. That's why I dress what I dress, I do what I do, and I wear what I wear kind of like I do what I do because I enjoy it and it's my life. And, a lot of the times, somebody brought up cyberbullying and that's a big, big problem.

So, I'm going to just probably talk about that next week, but for those of you guys who do go to the cyberbullying, just know that being on the internet and typing how you feel or what you think, like she's a bitch, or I have really awful things said to me and I don't let them bother me because it is somebody behind the screen, like it's so easy to lie like when the instant messenger, the AOL stuff, just came up like we would all go on then

and we would just like lie, right? Like age, sex, location, and like we would just lie and then it would just be fun and it wouldn't mean anything. The second I closed it, it wouldn't mean anything and so I think the mentality of those who are being really mean and cruel are just them just being mean and cruel and not really caring about it. So, I mean there's different personalities and there's also different mentalities when you go in and you do something like, 10 years ago, that's what we did, but now, since it's such more of a personal level or

like being in front of the camera, then you know your personality changes and you treat it like a friendship like sometimes I kinda write sarcastic, funny comments back and some people think that it's taken the wrong way, but really I'm just being me, but I'm typing and then I gotta, "Oh just kidding," like I remember what text messages with a friend of mine or like an ex-boyfriend, it would always be like "Okay, do you get mad at a text?" Don't get mad at the text because you don't really know the context and it's really hard to read it because you could read it as

sarcastic or like sincere, so it's really difficult and so, sometimes, it's kinda hard to read it on the comments on You Tube. So, I apologize to any of those who think that I'm like being a bitch or anything like that. I'm really just kind of being me, just kind of like "Ha-ha, this is it!" And, so today, I wanted to talk to you guys about a really serious topic that I think happens to a lot of us at anytime where we don't really pay attention to it

and it just kind of grows and just eats away and I really hope this doesn't turn into a 20-minute video, but it might. I told myself that I wouldn't cry during these videos just 'cause I feel I don't know. It just kind of like, "Oh poor Elessa" and I don't want you guys to feel bad for me because I've grown and I've learned and I've pretty much passed all these points and that's why it makes it easier for me to talk about. Last week, I was a little bit sad 'cause I think "poor little Elessa," but now it's like "I don't give a crap,"

but I'm-- I'm sorry if I do start to [unk] these videos too. I don't think I'm allowed to, but sometimes, I just slip like a hair tutorial I'm not gonna be like and then you take this [unk] curl, but sometimes, when you're talking about things like that, they just kind of come out. So I apologize and I will try not to. I don't have like a saran wrap or anything like that on mine. Okay, so, today, I wanted to talk to you guys about domestic violence and abuse because I think that that's something that happens a lot especially

with girls in high school and in college and it's something like you don't really pay attention to and then it's just gonna grows and builds and, as you get older, then it's like really, really-- and you're like really sucked in. And, so, my story is that I was in a relationship that was verbally abusive that escalated to physically abusive, but I've got out before it was intense.

So, I can speak about it and I can kinda give you the signs and I can kind of tell you this because I think that it's very important that you need to pay attention to your surroundings because it just will escalate. Things like that get really hard. I don't even know where to begin. I wish I was like talking to somebody like I was talking to my friend and she said she'd talk, but we have to figure out how to get her in these videos as well, but I feel like so many of us are in a relationship. It starts off really great and then slowly your friends stop talking to you.

You start to like question how you feel and so there's a lot of signs out there that show that the person that you're with is actually mentally and emotionally abusing you and it's such as a strong word. I don't want you guys to go in second-guess how you feel about yourself because I think that it's really, really important that you are strong and you're independent and you really believe in yourself because I know

that a lot of us have like a hard-shell that inside we're hurting and we're confused and so that's why I wanted to talk about it and I wanted you these videos because if I can reach out to somebody and help them, I'm gonna save one life from something than it's worth it. So-- Okay, so let's see. I was in a relationship and it was really normal and then, a couple of months, it starts to like a little weird. I never dated a guy who yelled at me, never.

Then, I met this guy who like would just snap or just something and he would just like yell and scream and I'm not the type to yell just 'cause I-- I mean if you really pissed me off, then I'll just cut you out of my life because I don't like yelling. I'm like, "I'm tired." But like I-- It was really bad 'cause you would yell and scream and just like all kinds of stuff and I didn't yell back. I was just kind of like okay

and, sometimes, I'd laugh like I would just laugh because it was like calculating, figuring out what to say 'cause I'm a jabber. I like jab here and there kind of things or poking words. It's like just making me more bad [unk] need to. And it was things like that, then we would go out with friends and then he would get mad and it would be very embarrassing and then I'd have to like apologize and it's something like you don't think about like you're in the relationship and

it's just kind of building up, maybe he really is mad, maybe this or that. And then, you have a lot of friends in the beginning and then your friends stop talking to you. They slowly don't wanna hang out with you and then the person you're dating will get mad when you are going somewhere without them or anything like that, like you always have to be with them, you always have to be there constantly and what they're doing is that they're taking control of you until the very end where you're alone

and it's just them and you're reliant upon them and it should be like that like you're hurting yourself and it's just gets worse and worse. So, first it starts off with like the arguing and then the yelling and then like the speed driving like I don't know if you guys have ever been in a car with someone who's like yelling and screaming and they're driving. It's very dangerous, like I am very big on safety driving because there's a lot of bad things that can happen when you drive and someone who's speed driving in anger and you're in the car with them.

it's very dangerous. So, I've had it where I'm driving and they're arguing and they took the steering wheel. It's just crazy and then you think like oh, they're just mad. You know what? I don't know what's okay. People get mad 'coz they get crazy eyes, right? Like-- They just like blackout and they're just like a totally different person. This person becomes like a Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde kinda thing where it's like one day they're just so nice and then the next day, they're just like really mean and crazy and just kind of really intimidating.

And so, if you guys are in a situation like this, to reevaluate it because it just will get worse. And you're somebody like this and you don't realize it, then you may wanna seek help or you may wanna just kind of reevaluate why you are doing this to this other person because it really hurts them. It hurts both sides 'coz sometimes you don't realize what you're doing and when you're overpowering somebody to manipulate them.

And it could be like an insecurity 'coz a lot of the times when this happens, it's because they're insecure and they don't wanna lose you and they don't know what to do and so they figure if they drive away all your friends and your family and you have nobody with them, then you rely on them and you depend on them. And it's kinda like that saying where well, he beats me because he loves me. And-- I mean, people joke about that, but that's a really serious thing. And-- I mean there's so many women out there and men who are

hurt and killed and just like all kinds of really awful things because of this. So, if you are in a situation where you feel like your friend are no longer around and your family is no longer around and the only person that you have is this one who is hurting you and emotionally breaking you down to feel like you're useless and worthless, then you should really reevaluate your situation and try to figure out how you can become stronger and

self-reliant and become independent person that you were before. So, for me, I [unk] like, you know, they get crazy. They start yelling and like my friends stop talking to me and I just-- and they didn't even realize it because I was going to workout. I was going to school and like every weekend, you know, they hangout and there's just so many little things like that where you just stop. You just stop really thinking for yourself and you don't realize it and I'm sure some of you guys are listening to this and like oh very stupid 'coz you didn't even--

Once you're in that situation, it's very difficult to see what's going on and you start to become a different person and your personality and you just really cling on to them, you know, 'coz that's all you know. So-- My gosh, I wish I could make this like faster. So, I feel like the message that I wanted to tell you guys is to be strong and to really, really focus on

yourself and your situation. And if you are in an abuse relationship, that it does get worse. So, for me, I kind of played it cool, kinda not really-- not really knowing what was going on. I don't even know like-- I know a lot of my friends stopped talking to me and then they told me later that they stopped because they didn't like my boyfriend. So, the boyfriend at that time like no longer. It's been like years. And they just said oh, I didn't like him. My parents didn't like him.

And we worked together. So, everyone at work liked him because they just saw him as the work person, but then when we hung out, you know, he'd get raging mad like my thing is don't argue in public 'coz that's really bad like if you and your partner could argue in public, it kinda shows that you guys no longer respect your personal situation or things that are going on. So, the best thing to do is just to wait and discuss it later. You know like, there were times where we would argue and yell and like yelling in

like the mall or something like that and like-- so I had to like walk off 'coz I was embarrassed. I didn't know and they would be big things. Sometimes, it would be what I'm wearing or what I'm doing, you know, and they start to control what you're wearing, and what you're doing, and how you speak, how you dress. They make you really plain and really not confident, so you rely on them again. It's all about that control, and you need to take it back. You gotta be in control of yourself and you gotta be confident in yourself.

And so that's what this videos are about 'coz I want to help you guys or really 'coz-- kind of give you some insight on how to be really-- Like I get beat down all the time on Facebook or not Facebook-- I get beaten all the time on Youtube without-- like all kinds of stuff; how I look, how I dress, how everything, right? Like how I speak and so that what happens, so they just manipulate and they control you. And it escalates. So,

after the yelling and the screaming, it becomes physical. The first time for me was when I was driving. I think I made a joke. I don't even really remember. He was-- He was sitting in the back and he put his hands around my neck and that's the most scariest feeling ever. You're just like okay. And I can't tell you if it was like pressure, but for me like anything around my neck, I'm like, you know, either tickles or you're freaked out 'coz it's one or the other for me. And it was definitely an aggressive thing.

And I let that slide like I-- I just kind of-- I was like oh my god. Don't ever do that again. That's not cool. It's not funny. Don't ever joke like that 'coz he was joking around and then it escalates from there. So, it's just getting worse and worse because you let it get worse and all these-- I know there's so many of you guys out there who probably can see the progression in your relationship with the ones around you and your friends and-- So, for me, I have this friend who was in a relationship that was like that

and I told her I didn't like him and you can like do what you can do. You can let them know, but that's it like you can't talk to him or her, whoever the bad guy is, because it's just gonna come down on your friend. So, you have to be very tactful and very careful when you approach situations like this. So, I just stopped talking to my friend 'coz I didn't know what to do. I told her and she finally-- when she saw it happen like to her, she

had to break free and that's pretty much-- Wanting to break free is when you're ready to do it, when you are strong enough, confident, and you could be able to do this, but please be very tactful when you do this because it is very dangerous if you are dealing with somebody who is mentally unstable. And the best thing to do is see if they're willing to work it out. Maybe they don't even know what they're doing or speak to somebody

and have like some sort of intervention. Just be very safe about the situation 'coz it's a very scary thing to go through. And so it escalated for me and the next time was after we broke up. Cheated on me. Can you believe it? Oh god. Okay. Which is really interesting because if you'll ask me, I would have never replaced this relationship like I'm really glad that I went through it 'coz it was an amazing learning experience for me.

It really opened my eyes and I'm much more confident and much more focused. And I understand what I want, what I don't want, and what I'll deal with, and what I won't deal with, but luckily for me, I was able to get out. So then, he cheated on me. We broke up. I wanted my stuff back. I went to his place to get my stuff because he wasn't-- but that was the day, the last time that I ever go over-- I went over there and I was like okay this is it. Like I cannot

be over there. So, I was by myself. I went over there to get my stuff and he didn't wanna break up and I'm like you cheated, right? So like words going back and forth. And he's like crazy hot, crazy eyes and-- So, he takes my arm and throws me to the wall and I'm like okay this is very scary and then he says get in the room. He tells me to go in the room and we need to talk and so he like pushes me in the room.

It's like violence, aggression because I've never experienced that with him before, so that to me is like really bad. So, I'm being forced to go in there and I'm like okay think quick, so then I'm in there and I'm like I wanna leave, you know, get my stuff. I wanna get out here. He gets angry. Grabs my arms. Throws me to bed. He makes me sit there and dumps my purse out so I can't leave. Stops stepping on this. He broke my MAC Compact.

And at that time, I was really young, so I couldn't really afford all that stuff and it was like special so that made me angry. I know that's kind of [unk], but I remember this because it was those things that were going on so that-- That time, I had to think fast because I didn't know if I was gonna yell because he already grabbed my wrist, threw me and like-- like a rag doll and so I was like okay, I'm sorry, what was I thinking? I was nice. I made him calm down, grabbed my stuff, and I left. And I never turned back. I never went there again.

We did have some crazy incidents like after that with like other guys I had tried to date, but that's like a whole another thing. So, it gets scary and it just gets worse because first the yelling and then the car. It just escalates and so I don't want that to happen to you guys. I know that it can get really bad and so if you are in an escalating type of relationship like this and you're-- you're gonna get married, it's gonna get worse. It doesn't get better because

nobody is trying to fix anything. So, you either fix it or you have to do what you have to do to be safe. And if you love yourself, you need to think of yourself. You need to follow what you think is right. I know that sometimes with kids involved and families and-- but you know, if you're in a relationship and the kids are seeing this, it really hurts them. It can either make them really timid when they're older or make them an abuser as well.

So, you just have to figure out what's best for you, but from my experience, I feel like you need to be strong and you need to figure out what's best for you, and your family, and your health, and your mentality because you're very special and you're very important. You need to be number one in situations like this because it's up to you to have that strength inside to do what you wanna do and to follow your dreams and follow your goals like if somebody tells you,

you know, you're in a relationship and you want to be-- You wanna work and you're a housewife and they're like oh no, stay at home 'coz I need there, but if you don't even have kids. It's like what are they doing? Are they afraid of-- You know, someone who loves you will be supportive. They'll want you to follow your dreams and they will want you to be happy even though you are not making a lot of money. Money will come because that's what I've learned, so we're waiting on that 'coz I've recently just made a big jump to follow my dreams,

but I just feel like you need to reach and really do some soul searching to help yourself become a very better person and become that person that you wanna be, that you see yourself as 'coz you are an individual who is beautiful and strong. And you need to do what it takes to follow your dreams and so that is my

video of the week. It happens to smart people all the time and it's just this constant beating in the head of you're ugly, you're fat, you're stupid, [unk], you're not good for anything just constantly and then the more you say it, the more-- The more they say it, the more you start to believe it. So, you need to start saying things yourself. You're independent. You're strong. You do this. You love yourself. You gotta think of affirmations, I guess you can say, to make you feel better because it does work.

And I believe in you and I know that you know what's best for you. I mean, it's like those people who say you wear too much makeup. I think the other day I got some crazy comments about oh, well, you need that much makeup then you got serious problems. Yeah. I got problems. I like makeup. Big woop. So, fuck them and do what you wanna do. Follow your dreams and your goals. Thank you so much for all your comments below. I wanted to give this to one of you guys. This is a little bow charm

that I have on my store, but somebody-- I guess a lot of people ask me and they always me like in the comments, again, it's like why are you wearing that stupid bow on your ahead or why do you always have these dumb bows? And Actually the bows are really symbolic to me and they are some things that I just don't talk about, but I really like bows. And I like it not just as a surface level that they're really cute, but they mean a lot to me like growing up when you're young, I think bows just have such an innocence to it and it just makes me really happy. And when I see it,

I think, you know what, I'm really strong and I could do this. And this is my little happy place, my happy bows. And whenever I'm sad, I have these like happy bows everywhere that are-- they've never hurt me. They remind me of when I was young, and I was happy, and things weren't wrong and so that's why the bows means so much to me. And there's so much to it, but-- That's why I have one on my purse and I started actually making them

so that way you guys can pick them up and you can, you know, kind of feel that feeling that I get. That really helps me 'coz I like I said, I've been through a lot of ups and downs, more downs than ups believe it or not, that I don't talk about, but hopefully I'll be able to share a little bit more with you guys. And hopefully, that will help you, motivate you, and inspire you to be all that you guys can be because it really is. Makeup is such a great medium and quoting this great person who sent me a message that it really does help like it helps

gets you in that happy place. You know what? It helps you forget about the bad stuff that's gone in your life, gone in the world like when you're putting on that blush, all you're thinking about is putting on that blush and feeling good. And we need to have those feelings because life is just full of bad stuff, and drama, and sadness and so we need to stick together and to feel beautiful and just happy. You know, even if you're happy for 10 minutes and the rest is miserable, at least you had that 10 minutes

to feel good because you need it. You need to have that happiness and so I wanted to give this to one of the commentors from last week and then I'm gonna give another one to somebody this week in the comments. I'm just gonna e-mail them privately 'coz I don't wanna announce it 'coz I don't know if what they wrote was like personal. I'm just gonna pick a random person, but this is actually a little purse charm and then I a little bedazzled it, but-- so that way you can wear it on your purse too and just remember that you are

strong and you guys can do this like no matter what you wanna do, you can do it. Just believe in yourself and it's all gonna come together. Work hard and it'll happen. So, thank you so much for watching and then next week, we'll talk different topics. So, let me know below what you guys wanna talk about and then I'll try to make these a little bit quicker. I'm still kind of trying to figure out how to do this, what to call it, and everything like that, but I hope you guys have a great night and just remember that the person who needs to be loved is you

and you need to find that strength in yourself so that way no one can push you down or make you feel bad or second guess how you really truly are because you really are beautiful, so just let that shine and I will see you guys next week. Bye! I love you!