Why We Apologize Too Much, and How to Stop

The "I'm Sorry" Habit

If you're like many women, saying "I'm sorry" has become a habit, something you murmur before asking a stranger the time or telling the dry cleaner he missed a spot. Experts observe that women apologize more often than men and for a wider variety of reasons.

When it's heartfelt, an apology has the power to mend a broken friendship, soften an uncomfortable situation, or show that you're confident enough to own up to your mistakes. But issuing a steady stream of regrets not only trivializes a genuine apology, it can also undermine your credibility and confidence. "By taking responsibility for things that aren't your fault, you denigrate your self-esteem," says Linda Sapadin, PhD, author of Master Your Fears: How to Triumph Over Your Worries and Get On with Your Life (Wiley, 2004).

According to experts, there are specific patterns of behavior that people who overapologize subconsciously follow. The key is to identify which one you fall into by tracking when you ask for forgiveness and from whom. Below are three common apology patterns. Once you've pinpointed yours, you can take the necessary steps to mend your "sorry" ways and express yourself with confidence.