What They Oughta Teach in Charm School

Charm Lesson 2: Praise, Then Praise Some More

Your gut instinct when trying to get something (like a refund on an expensive but flawed pair of boots) is to go to the higher-ups and complain about the service. But acknowledging others, like the sales assistant who found your size for you, makes you seem genuine, a trait that's more likely to elicit cooperation and the outcome you desire (cash instead of boots). For example, by saying, "Your assistant was so helpful and attentive," you'll come off as less self-serving. "This shows that you're not an adversary but simply someone with a special request who recognizes everyone's hard work," explains Randy Paterson, PhD, author of The Assertiveness Workbook. As an added bonus: If your feedback reaches the ears of the assistant...well, don't be surprised if you receive special attention on your next visit.